Thursday, July 12, 2012

Clarifying something..And some questions for my son

I received 2 emails. So I’d like to clarify something. My son is not the child of my step-father.  I got pregnant with my son when I was 18 years old. I had him when I was 19. I had my child out of wed lock. He knows his father but is much closer with my husband who came into his life when he was around 7 years old.

Since I’m on the topic of my son… It wasn’t easy being my child.  I didn’t let my son spend the night with others until recently.  I had “The Talk” with him very early in life and brought it up every so often to keep the lines of communication open.
I think a big misconception can be that the abuse just hurts the victim.  However Abuse affects a family as whole.  It changes people.  As a child I wasn’t like everyone else.  I didn’t grow up learning to be a productive part of society.  Because I didn’t have anyone to teach me what I needed to be an adult.  I learned how to keep secrets…how to tell master lies and how to blame everyone else and make everyone else look bad, to make myself feel better about who I was.  That’s what my stepfather taught me. I spent most of my childhood with my step father.  Even though he was my abuser..I had lived with it so long that I didn’t realize It was supposed to be different.  In time I will share more about who I am and what type of situation I was raised in.  I will share about my own father who I didn’t spend much time with until my teenage years and how my step father tried to poising my mind against my real father and shamed me into hating my own race.

I was about to tell you what it was like for my son growing up as the child of a abuse survivor.  However I’m going to let him answer a few questions so that it’s from him…and not me.

At what age do you remember me discussing good touch and bad touch with you? And how often did this conversation come up during your childhood? I remember this topic coming up towards the beginning of my youth, around the age of 5. The topic wasn’t to frequent it was more of an every other year topic that came up randomly.

Do you feel that I sometimes let my past get in the way of your childhood and growth? If so in what way. Not at all, it’s never gotten in the way of my childhood, or growth. I feel like I surrounded myself with general things that impacted my life in a much more drastic way rather than this incident.

What were the positives and negatives of discussing abuse with you as a young child? It made me more aware of certain possibilities, it also helped further my judgment as a child. I feel that as a child I was furthered in general knowledge over this topic due to the talks and your history with the subject.

Please share what it was like being raised by an Abuse Survivor. I’ve had to deal with you nearly going over the edge which has dramatized me, but in this I have also become stronger and more caring for anybody that has had to deal with this topic because I know what it’s like for a person after something like this has happened.


  1. I have had the talk a couple of times already with my 5 year old, after another older boy took him into a playhouse and tried to touch him at a birthday party. I was right there and was able to stop it, but it really shook me up. I don't think you can have this discussion too early, with the way the world is.

  2. Lisa,
    I'm so happy that you were there to protect your son! I think the culture we live in brands sexual predators a old creepy man. So parents aren't worried about other kids. I pray that this subject will be spoken with children more often. I remember 15 years ago going through therapy and my group talking about how we are moving into a new time, that people are speaking about sexual abuse openly. But unfortunately there are all these stories coming out on the news about abuse parents subject their kids to. The world is taking a bad turn...I pray for change!