Monday, July 16, 2012

The day I called my abuser to get closure

I received an email from someone asking me what my abuser thought of my blog. Well he passed away in 2005. he passed away from cancer.

Around 10 years ago I did talk to him. I called him on the phone to get some closure. I don't remember how I got his number. If I called information, took it from my mother or some other way.

When he answered the phone I told him who I was and that I was calling to get closure...and that if he didn't want to talk to me, I'd understand and leave it at that to never bother him again. But he wanted to talk. I don't know why I was expecting that this man would actually apologize to me.   He started out by telling me "remember when you were younger and used to say you wanted a white picket fence around a home and have horses and drinking fresh squeezed orange juice every morning?"  I was like yes...but that's not why I'm calling. I let him continue to talk....I realized the man was completely insane. He was acting like everything was normal...talking bad about my family to me, and reminiscing about the past, minus the abuse, even talking to me about God and how he was going to church. After 5 minutes of him going on and on...I finally told him that I was calling him to get closure and possibly a sorry...he started to interrupt me. I told him look. You can tell your lies to anyone, to your family to your friends and whoever. But the fact remains that I know what happened, you know what happened, and God knows what happened. I let him know there's no escape from God...that I didn't wish ill on him...but that I realize he is crazy and gets help.  I hung up. I never got my closure from him.  But again I realized how insane he was by the conversation.  Sometimes we have to accept that closure comes from within ourselves.

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