My hair has been thinning for a while…I thought it was stress. It may be that, or the fact that when I shower I have to wash my body from head to toe 3 times during 1 shower. This includes washing my hair 3 times. I know that after 1 cleaning I’m good. But sometimes I never feel clean.
I didn’t realize that I was doing this until my husband started asking my I went through 1 container of my own body wash in less than a week…when he and my son will have theirs for a month at a time. Or if we were using soap why a bar would disappear in 2-3 days. Lately I’ve been paying more attention to my habits so that I can correct them.
When I was younger, typically before the abuse would happen, I would be instructed to shower. I remember hating showers when I was younger. I didn’t like brushing my teeth or anything before the age of 14. Gross right? Well what’s even more gross was my step father. He was a very large man. And I’m not trying to offend larger people because I’ve put on my own adult pounds. But I was a very small thin child. And my step father must have been at least 350 lbs…maybe larger. He had horrible teeth odor and was uncircumcised and even though he showered everyday…he sometimes had some type of white stuff around his penis. He was smelly dirty fat man. Thinking back to the police report I read…(the information he gave to police). He basically accused me of seducing him. He used the exact term “she used to prance around the house naked” The only reason I remember these things words typed is because he had a way he talked…and key words he seemed to use all the time. Prance was one of those words. But yes I was naked a lot of the time…because of him. But I guess it was his way of not accepting responsibility. My step father had a big mouth…Everyone that came to our home. He talked crap about all of the other relatives When they left and someone else would visit…same thing. So I know he opened his mouth and probably did a lot of talking to make me look bad. But I wonder how anyone could have even listened to him without wanting to beat him. Because I was a nice looking young girl…and I cant imagine how anyone would believe that I seduced him. At a certain age between 8-10 when I started to notice real boys my own age…It took everything in me to block out what was actually taking place. Anyways...So body filth is something that repulses me to the extreme.